saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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