Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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