.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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