I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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