my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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