Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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