dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
