allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
