Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
