just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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