She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
