My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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