grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
