he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Damn victory sex feels great
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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