My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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