I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
