Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
