Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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