we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
