so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
