On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
