Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
