His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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