It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
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