Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
