Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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