Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
