if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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