is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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