Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
