I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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