Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
