So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
