some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
