see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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