I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
