so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
