Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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