entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
