I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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