so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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