These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
