can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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