Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
