i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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