not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
