I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
