Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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