you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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