I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
